


Friendly Reminder

by Rowby



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Gen, Suicide, Super Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 06:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14562438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowby/pseuds/Rowby
Summary: Geoff, Jawn and Otto find a video tape a few weeks after Awsten's death that explains everything.





	Friendly Reminder

**Author's Note:**

> Super major absout tw for suicide. This was a big vent one shot, so please don't read it if you're not feeling up to it. Better days are ahead. If you need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Please be safe, hang in there.

The first thing Geoff sees when he walks into Otto’s room is that it was dark. The only light was a TV flickering in and out. It was an old TV, one that was a few feet thick and still had a VHS player. Sound is quiet. 

The next thing he sees is Jawn sitting beside him. He realizes they both have their hands pressed to their mouths, soundlessly crying.

“What's going on?” Geoff says, and they both jump, turning with open mouths. Jawn lunges for the remote, quickly shutting the TV off. “What happened? What were you guys watching?” He asked when he didn't get an answer to his earlier question. 

“Geoff,” Otto choked out, “You-you weren't supposed to be home ‘till eight.”

“Yeah, it's eight-thirty. What the hell happened?” He tossed his keys on the dresser, quickly closing the distance between him and them, but stopped short when Otto flinched back. “Hey, Otto, what the-”

“We found something in Awsten's bathroom,” Jawn said, then immediately collapsed on the bed, as if his legs didn't work.

Geoff’s blood went cold. He thought that after two weeks, he’d finally forget, but now memories from a fortnight ago flooded his mind. He was pretty sure he would never be rid of the image of Awsten lying on his bed, bloody around the wrists and from his mouth. 

“We found it behind his mirror. Um… you don't wanna-” Otto stopped himself when he saw the look on Geoff’s face.

“Turn the TV on.” Geoff sat on the bed next to Jawn. “Turn it on. Now.” Though it was a demand, his voice was soft, edged with uncertainty.

Otto reached for the remote, turning on the TV, then rewinding. “I'm not watching it again. I-I fucking  _ can't  _ watch it again.” He tossed the remote to Geoff, then shakily walked out of the room, slamming the door shut.

The screen distorted as it rewinded, Geoff only caught glimpses of a familiar room. Awsten’s room. Beside him, Jawn bunched up the comforter in his hands. “He… he hid it really well, I almost didn't see it. I don't think he wanted us to see it so soon after he…” he trailed off when Geoff nodded. “I dunno why he used a VHS tape.”

Finally, they were at the beginning. Geoff hesitated, but pressed play.

He was tugging at his necklace, tears running down his face. When he spoke, it sounded raw, choked, he couldn't look into the camera.

“Hi. My name… is Awsten Constantine Knight. I am twenty-six years old, and…” he looked at the table in front of him. “and I'm going to kill myself.”

Geoff already had to look away. Awsten's face was emotionless, yet he held so many tears.

“And just so you know, I'm gonna tell you how I'm gonna do it.” He held up a white bottle and shook it. “All these down the hatch, and then it's this-” He put the bottle down and picked up a small kitchen knife- “To my wrists.”

“What the fuck,” Geoff whispered. "No, no! Why didn't he-" he stopped talking when Awsten started.  _Why didn't he tell us?_

“I'm sorry,” Awsten said, “Geoff, Otto, Jawn… you guys are so amazing. You've been with me my whole life, and you even helped me wreck that car a few days ago. I didn't even tell you why, but you just...did. I can't thank you enough for getting me this far, but...I can't keep going on like this.”

Geoff fumbled on the covers until he found Jawn’s hand.

“I hope you don't find this until my funeral is over,” Awsten said, and Geoff’s attention was back on the screen. “or ever. But, if you do find it, it's just so you're not left completely in the dark.” He started messing with his necklace again. “I just… I've been fighting a losing war with myself for as long as I can remember. No amount of love can help me, no amount of care can help me win this. I'm just so fucked up I can't be fixed.”

“No,” Geoff finds himself whispering. 

“Trying to fix me is like trying to put some ripped paper back together with nothing but your bare hands. It's like trying to swim in a frozen pool, or trying to stay cool in this fucking summer weather.” His face is turning red as he laughs. “It can't be done. I can't be fixed, so what's the bother with living if I'm gonna just suffer through the whole ride?” what scares Geoff the most is that his grin is wide and genuine.

“Stop it,” he snapped. “That's not-” He scrubbed at his eyes, and then stopped Jawn when he reached for the remote.

“It's not Geoff's fault. Or Otto’s or Jawn’s. It's mine and mine alone. I can't stress enough that this whole thing is my fucking fault. I never want you three to blame yourself. Blame me, because you're supposed to. It's my fault, I'm gonna kill myself and it's my fucking fault. Fuck!” He slammed his hands on the table, and the camera fell over, giving a black screen. The sound of several things being slammed into the table and walls resounded, then silence for what felt like forever.

“Why the fuck…” Geoff whispered, letting a sob out of his throat. “Why did you do that?!”

“Geoff, we can stop it if you want,” Jawn said. His own voice was strained. “We can stop watching. We're basically at the end, anyway."

“No,” Geoff barely managed. He looked at the black screen, waiting for Awsten to come back. To see him one last time.

His face never came, but his voice did.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I'm sorry I have to do this. I'm sorry that I'm not good enough for myself, I'm sorry that I can't function for one fucking day. I'm sorry.”

Finally, the camera righted itself, and Awsten was in frame, his hair a mess and a bloody mark on his forehead. “I'm gonna turn this off now, so you don't have to see it. This isn't your fault, whoever is watching this. It's mine alone. Nobody is gonna change my mind.” He looked off frame. “I better wrap this up. Goodbye world. Goodbye...Jawn, Otto...Geoff… and I'm sorry.” 

He reached a hand forward, and the camera shut off.

The TV clicked, the tape whirring.

Geoff let his tears flow, sobs wracking his body as he slumped forward, grabbing at his hair. He tried saying...something, but nothing came out but more sobbing.

“We just found it today,” Jawn said through his own tears. “We were looking at his stuff, being all sentimental and all. We opened his medicine cabinet, and it was there. I…” He sighed, leaning into his shoulder. “I just wish we could have stopped him.”

“Me too,” Geoff says.

In the living room, Geoff tried his best to focus on his game of Mario Kart against Otto, but he kept crashing and running off track. He couldn't focus at all on anything but the tape from hours ago. Awsten's gravelly voice echoed in his mind like a haunting catchy song. 

“Heh, look. I'm in first for once,” Otto said, though he wasn't doing so well either. Right as the words left his mouth, he ran off track. “Guess not…” he muttered as bots passed by him.

The whole day was silent. All three were milling around the house or laying in bed, quietly mourning. To an outsider, it would have been another day at gone with nothing to do.

But, as Geoff laid down on his bed for the night, he couldn't sleep for a long time. One night in particular stuck in his mind.

 

***

 

“Guys.” Awsten shyly waved his hand. “C’mon, I wanna do something.”

Geoff and Otto sat up off the couch, confused, but they followed. 

“Who’s driving?” Awsten asked as they walked outside to their car, tossing his keys from one hand to the other as he walked. Geoff raised his hand, and Awsten, without looking away from the ground, threw them over the car to Geoff, getting in the passenger seat.

“So, what are we doing?” Otto asked, getting in the back as Geoff adjusted himself at the drivers seat.

“Go out and take a right,” Awsten said to Geoff, then turned to Otto. “I wanna wreck this fucking car.”

“Woah.” Geoff slowed the car to a stop right before the driveway ended. He looked bewildered at Awsten. “You insane? You have work to go to.”

“I can walk. Get a bike, something, I don't care. I need to get rid of this fucking thing.” He slammed his hand on the dash, then leaned back, kicking his feet up. “I don't wanna look at it anymore.”

“How are we gonna-” Otto started, but Awsten interrupted him.

“Got a sledgehammer, bat, and gas in the trunk. Smash the fuck out of it, set it on fire. Just help me get fucking rid of it, please.”

“Dude, you okay?” Geoff asked, sparing a glance at him before taking off into the road to the right.

“Fine. Perfectly peachy. So great in fact, I don't wanna talk about it.” He crossed his arms glaring through the window. “I just want this yellow bitch gone.” He punched the door for emphasis.

There was a moment of silence before Otto spoke up. 

“I want the bat.”

 

***

 

He should have known. He should have reached out,  _ helped him _ . He helped Awsten destroy the car, and possibly helped Awsten destroy himself.

The car was a gift from all three of them to him. He's been wanting an upgrade from his old, beaten truck for so long. He drove everywhere, showed it off to strangers like _look at my sick fucking car have you seen anything so beautiful in your life?_

And now it was gone.

And so was Awsten.

_ So much for a friendly reminder. _


End file.
